Auckland is indeed the London of New Zealand, but with nicer people. It's all relative I suppose. I'm sure people in the south find Aucklanders rude, smug and arrogant. Well, one does like to try. I could start a debate about the huge percentage of the country's GDP comes in through Auckland ports, or about the size of tax receipts that are generated here. But I won't. For one, it's not my place - I'm only a new comer after all - and two I don't want to add fuel to the fire regarding Jaffas.
But you have to love the press. Which is where I came in. One of the tragic and, it has to be said, slightly amusing, stories that have graced the pages of the press is the tale of a man who electrocuted himself during a camping site altercation. "What?" I hear you ask. Well it goes something like this.
During a camping trip to Northland this person became irritated by the constant noise from his neighbour's caravan. Apparently, and I wasn't there so I can't confirm this fact, but the noise was incessant and went on for several nights, well into the early hours of the morning. I can imagine the scene though. Been there. Got the t-shirt.
Anyway enough was enough. This had gone on far too long by half and it was time to take matters into his own hands. But what to do? He did the only rational thing. No, not knock on the door of the problematic caravan - that would involve a nasty middle-of-the-night confrontation. Instead he opted to cut the power cable running from the caravan to the power socket. Without first unplugging it. I can only begin to imagine the shock, both literally and metaphorically, he felt when his knife sliced through the sheathed power cable. If only he'd taken a few breaths and thought it through. If only he'd have been able to ignore the noise for just one more night. If only he'd waited and calmly confronted his neighbour in the morning. If only he'd bought a pair of ear plugs. If only. If only.
It got me to thinking. What would I have done? Would the red mist have descended on me too? Would I have pulled a knife on a live cable? I don't think so. I may have gone as far as pulling the plug from the power socket. But even that may have being going too far. Perhaps a shot of revenge in the morning with some loud, but appropriate music? Either way I think I would've been safe, as would 90% of the British population if confronted with a similar situation. Yes we would've gotten upset, uptight even, and maybe forced into action. Truly drastic action. The only course of action that is left open when the last line has been crossed. Oh yes the ultimate weapon..... A stiffly worded letter to the owner of the campsite. I know, I know. But a line had been crossed and the deserved all they got. Both barrels.
Certainly none of this tramping around in the dark nonsense armed with a knife. Gosh, you could trip and accidentally hurt someone. And what if someone saw you? What would they think? How embarrassing would it be for someone to see you in your pyjamas. I know. You'd not be able to show your face in public again. Oh the horror.
Yes say what you like about the British condition, it may be amusing. But it'll keep you alive!
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