Neighbourhood Watch

Well it had to happen sooner or later. After two and a bit very peaceful years in this house, we have finally managed to fall out with the neighbours. And it wasn't our fault. Honest! They started it.....

We thought that we were model neighbours; we were clean and tidy, we were respectfully quiet, didn't throw wild parties (although that was more to do with the lack of opportunity than by choice) and were polite and civil whenever our paths crossed. It all seemed to be going well until a few months ago when, late in the evening, there was a knock at the window. I looked out, but couldn't see anything. Odd? There it was again, and as before, upon looking out there was nothing to be seen. This strange behaviour went on for a few days, and each time the knocking sound got increasingly frantic. 

Pretty soon, the knocks on the window were followed by loud excalamations and commotion. But each time we went to look out of the window there was nothing to see, only an empty street bathed in the glow of sodium lighting. Then, without warning or provocation, as we were leaving the house one morning we were attacked. I know, shocking! What had we done to warrant physical violence? Not wanting to inflame the situation, we hurried down the street away from the house, but the blows kept coming as we were repeatedly hit on the back of the head as we desperately tried to put distance between us and our once safe haven. Finally the blows stopped, presumably our pursuers had given up.

We looked back, and they they were perched on top of the telegraph pole mocking us through hysterical squawks. What? Oh, I'm talking about a couple of birds obviously. What else did you think I meant? Oh, ahhh, of course. My apologies.

Anyway, for some inexplicable reason, these two Mynahs had decided that we are invading their space and had taken to demonstrating their umbrage whenever we left the house. I think Hitchcock was onto something when he filmed 'The Birds'. It's quite disconcerting to leave the house wondering if you're going to be bombarded from the air. Even if the coast is clear at the moment the door is closed, it's no guarantee of safe passage to the end of the street. What's even worse is the moment, on the way back from wherever it is that you've been, that you turn the corner into the street only to see the enemy perched high on the telegraph wires. Watching. Planning. Something had to give and after a professional exterminator had failed to return our calls I took the last resort and tooled up.....

...by buying the biggest Supersoaker that money could buy. This was a serious bit of bad-ass kit. Admittedly I got some odd looks when I would, early in the morning, lean out of the bedroom window and take aim but it soon became part of the street's routine. And they don't like it up 'em. No Sirree.

It was all becoming too easy as my skills became honed and they didn't quite know what hit them. I was considering upping the ante and filling the pistol with a noxious substance until I accidentally Supersoaked an innocent passer-by.  I took the complaint like a true soldier .....and hid behind the curtain. To this day, I'm sure she is still wondering why it was raining on a perfectly clear and sunny morning. Me? I'm just glad I hadn't filled the chamber with gravy like I was planning. Still, there are always casualties in war. 

At first, after Operation Retaliation started, there was some push back from the feathered foe. Their aerial bombardment became more ferocious and direct but, being the seasoned campaigner that I am, I knew this was desperation. They knew they had met their match. My SASS (Surface to Air SuperSoaker) was doing the job nicely thank you very much. Sure there were times during the skirmishes when I had to take the weapon with me to work (and boy did I get some questions about that I can tell you!) and occasionally had to twirl my coat around my head as I walked the gauntlet but overall the war was being won.  

Now, when leaving the house, they don't quite salute as we walk past but their squawks are much less hate-filled and much more halfhearted.

I'm not proud of the fact that the situation descended into violence so quickly and I still wish that diplomacy and reasoning could have prevailed. It taught me that, even though I think I'm above physical violence as a means to settle disputes, when the chips were down I tooled up.  

But they were bastards, to put it bluntly, and deserved everything they got. In fact, whilst I'm being honest, they got off lightly. At least they are still alive. If only the exterminator had answered our call they'd have had more than a bit of gravy on their feathers to worry about......

 

Mercury shootin' through every degree

Every now and again a song comes along, whether it's something that you've bought or a snippet you catch on a radio, and you know that you just have to hear that live. No two ways about it. Top of the list.

They are unforgettable moments, or at least they are to me, the equivalent of a bolt of lightening or a swift and spiritual kick to the head.

And it knows no boundaries. It doesn't matter whether it's someone you have liked all along, a totally new band or someone you'd rather not admit to liking. Either which way, the result is the same. Eagerly searching for when that particular song is likely to be played live in the vicinity. 

Here are some of mine;

'Just Like Fred Astaire' - James

'We Too Are One' - Eurythmics 

'A Day Like This' - Elbow

'One Tree Hill' - U2
'Sproston Green' - The Charlatans

I'll let you decide what category they fall into. I'm pleased to say that I have, in the main, been able to hear these bolts of audio lightening live. In some cases more than once and usually within a reasonable time scale from first hearing it. Usually, but not always. Sometimes it is just not possible, either through sheer distance from the nearest venue, other committments or death. The latter is a real problem and enough of a reason I suppose. Some people just don't try hard enough.

So why am I telling you all this? Well last night, after playing a waiting game that spanned over twenty years, I finally got to hear 'Roam' by the B-52s live. Never let it be said that I'm not patient! It was a balm summer's day back in 1989 when I was jolted awake by the surf style guitar riff with a storming summer pop song closely in tow. This was a song that I just had to hear live. It would be ace.

And by chance the Athens GA quartet were heading my way.... well sort of. Well they were coming to the same country at least. Unfortunately, the Town and Country Club in London was a little out of reach to go solo and try as I might I couldn't get any of my so called 'mates' to take the trip with me. Nagging just wasn't going to work so I resigned myself to listening to the concert on the radio. It was the next best thing, or so I tried to kid myself.

Fast forward to November 2016 and would you believe it? They were only playing with Simple Minds as part of a summer tour. Yes in a few short months, they would be playing at the bottom of our street. Here in Auckland!

I must admit to being a little sceptical at first. Simple Minds and The B-52s aren't the obvious acts to appear on the same bill. When you imagine the finest stadium band to come out of the UK you don't immediately think 'What would make the night complete is some quirky indie-surfy-dance music'. Despite the misgivings about the bill, tickets were bought and so last night, on a similarly balmy night in Auckland, I finally heard 'Roam' live. Was it worth the wait? Well, after twenty-five years of waiting you are fully expecting me to confirm that it was. Well, like the song last night, I won't disappoint and say yes it was worth the wait. Just about.

I have no doubt that it would've been better in the Town and Country Club, rather than the cavernous Vector Arena, but beggars can't be choosers. Besides, I only had to walk ten minutes to the venue rather than travel several hundred miles and I was back, tucked up in bed with a cup of tea for 11:00pm. Not very rock and roll I know but it was a school night and I had drank two glasses of wine whilst watching the concert. Ahem, moving swiftly on.......

One of the wonderful things about living in New Zealand, particularly in Auckland, is that if any band is going to make it to this side of the planet then they are more than likely to play here. Not only that, but by the time they arrive here they are usually on the last leg of the tour and so are fully in party mode and have ironed out all of niggles and setlist problems. Fine tuned you might say.

And, because the venues are comparatively smaller than those in more populous centres, it all makes for a much better experience....in my experience. As well these heroes of the pop charts, we have also had the pleasure of catching Elbow, PJ Harvey and Johnny Marr, to name but a few, and in a few short days we have the pleasure of Bruce Springsteen's company. Admittedly that will be in a stadium but at least it won't be foggy. Well hopefully not.