How on earth did it come to this? Spending my Friday morning washing recently bought vegetables. Yes, I know there’s nothing wrong with that. But in soapy water? It’s really quite odd seeing cherry tomatoes bobbing around in soapy bubbles. Soapy bubble are, ironically, now recommended to keep your bubble intact. Unblemished and unburst.
Above: Veg - post bubble wash!
We’re now into day 14 of our housebound way of life and it’s fair to say things got very odd very quickly. Sure sometimes, especially when I first wake up, I forget what’s going on, momentarily at least, and start to think about the day and what lies ahead. Ahh, and then I remember. What lies ahead is exactly like yesterday. Which in turn is exactly like the day before. And the one before that. And.....well I guess you get the picture. Not because you can imagined my predicament but because I'm sure it’s the same for you.
The most important thing in life is now not worrying about whether your tie goes with the shirt or stressing about whether you’re prepared enough for a meeting but “can I keep my bubble intact?” Suddenly other problems seem somewhat insignificant.
My daily government sanctioned exercise of choice is a run in the neighbourhood park. It just so happens that the largest city centre park is on our doorstep so it’s totally within the rules to take some exercise in Auckland Domain. Admittedly running has taken on a surreal tone. I no longer worry about splits or pace but whether I can see a clear people-free path ahead. It’s a big park so usually it’s not a problem, but when two runners do approach each other on a footpath things can get a little dicey.
Normal running etiquette dictates that you wave or nod hello as you pass the other runner. But not anymore. Space is now the aim of the game so rather than pass close by, runners veer off to one side as if we both were being repelled by invisible force fields. Which in a way we are, because invisible to the naked eye is our protective bubble. A 4m wide ball of safeness and it needs to be guarded with your life.
Normal running etiquette dictates that you wave or nod hello as you pass the other runner. But not anymore. Space is now the aim of the game so rather than pass close by, runners veer off to one side as if we both were being repelled by invisible force fields. Which in a way we are, because invisible to the naked eye is our protective bubble. A 4m wide ball of safeness and it needs to be guarded with your life.
But, I hear you say, what if there isn't enough space to run into? It's all well an good to veer off to one side but surely there's no guarantee space will be there? There's always a way - you just need my handy cut-out-and-keep guide to safe bubble running.
The Mountain Climber
Obviously flat space is preferable for evasive manoeuvres but this is not always available. It's sod's law that just when you need it there's no flat space available but just a grassy bank. That's where The Mountain Climber comes in handy.
Simply slow to a jog, glance up at the precipitous slope and power up it like you meant to do it all along. But make sure you've got enough in the legs to make it to the top. The next worst thing to bubble breaking is being seen to fail at a hill, and the sheer embarrassment of having to walk! Runners don't walk. Mostly anyway.
The Forgotten Appliance
To really avoid breaking your bubble it's important to plan a route where there will be plenty of room to get out of the way if the need arises. But this is not always possible so there may be a point in the route where there's simply no space other than on the path you're running along. Should you encounter traffic in the opposite direction. No fear, The Forgotten Appliance is there to help you get out of a potentially sticky situation.
When you're sure that there really is no escape, stop running. Then, and this is important, make an obvious move and look at your watch (you're a runner so there's no doubt you'll be wearing one), then say something like "Crap, I've left the iron on!", turn around and run quickly in the opposite direction. Sticky situation avoided.
The Road Runner
Were not all blessed with green, car free spaces available in which to run. And even if we are, more often than not our route will involve running on a footpath next to a road. If you find yourself needing to make a sudden movement away from on an oncoming entourage, just engage The Road Runner and hop into the road.
Ordinarily, I wouldn't recommend running in the road if there was a perfectly serviceable footpath but these are not ordinary times. Sure there's a chance you might get hit by a car, but that's much better than breaking your bubble. Oh, who am I kidding? There almost no chance of getting hit by a car because everyone's in lockdown and there's no cars on the roads. Isn't it nice! But please don't forget that you are now running in the road and you need to plan to get back to the footpath as soon as possible - don't make the mistake I made by continuing along the road into a signalised junction. I may have had the green light but it didn't stop people giving me a strange look as I sailed through the junction whilst pedestrians waited patiently to cross.
The Mountain Climber
Obviously flat space is preferable for evasive manoeuvres but this is not always available. It's sod's law that just when you need it there's no flat space available but just a grassy bank. That's where The Mountain Climber comes in handy.
Simply slow to a jog, glance up at the precipitous slope and power up it like you meant to do it all along. But make sure you've got enough in the legs to make it to the top. The next worst thing to bubble breaking is being seen to fail at a hill, and the sheer embarrassment of having to walk! Runners don't walk. Mostly anyway.
The Forgotten Appliance
To really avoid breaking your bubble it's important to plan a route where there will be plenty of room to get out of the way if the need arises. But this is not always possible so there may be a point in the route where there's simply no space other than on the path you're running along. Should you encounter traffic in the opposite direction. No fear, The Forgotten Appliance is there to help you get out of a potentially sticky situation.
When you're sure that there really is no escape, stop running. Then, and this is important, make an obvious move and look at your watch (you're a runner so there's no doubt you'll be wearing one), then say something like "Crap, I've left the iron on!", turn around and run quickly in the opposite direction. Sticky situation avoided.
The Road Runner
Were not all blessed with green, car free spaces available in which to run. And even if we are, more often than not our route will involve running on a footpath next to a road. If you find yourself needing to make a sudden movement away from on an oncoming entourage, just engage The Road Runner and hop into the road.
Ordinarily, I wouldn't recommend running in the road if there was a perfectly serviceable footpath but these are not ordinary times. Sure there's a chance you might get hit by a car, but that's much better than breaking your bubble. Oh, who am I kidding? There almost no chance of getting hit by a car because everyone's in lockdown and there's no cars on the roads. Isn't it nice! But please don't forget that you are now running in the road and you need to plan to get back to the footpath as soon as possible - don't make the mistake I made by continuing along the road into a signalised junction. I may have had the green light but it didn't stop people giving me a strange look as I sailed through the junction whilst pedestrians waited patiently to cross.
The Forester
Maybe you are blessed with green spaces and parks with trails to run in. Lucky you. If you are, there's a good chance that the paths are not wide enough to maintain the prescribed 2m safe distance. And if you're in the park trails, there's a good chance that others have had the same idea. Maybe you shouldn't go into the park in the first place? Nonsense. Just remember The Forester.
When there's no space on the trail don't let that stop you in your tracks. Make your own. As soon as you're sure that the trail is blocked ahead, dive off into the trees. Yes it will slow you down, and you may get a bit scratched and tangled up in greenery, but hey you're still out and your bubble is intact. Just remember not to get carried away - make sure you know where you are and can get back to a trail at some point. Having to be rescued from your local park would defeat the purpose of protecting your bubble as well as being hugely embarassing. If in doubt take a map and a compass on you're next run!
The Triathlete
Hopefully the manoeuvres covered above will help you out in most situations. But there's still a chance, albeit a slim one, that none of these can be applied because solid ground is in short supply and the only escape route involves water. Well, that's where The Triathlete comes in. Route blocked? No problem - just dive into the water like you intended to all along! But only if you can swim. Not only is swimming necessary to stay alive, thrashing around would totally destroy the illusion that you are a triathlete in training.
So there you go, you're now equipped to cope with anything that might come your way. So what are you waiting for? Get out there and get running. Just remember to keep a weather eye out for other potential bubble breakers; uncontrolled dogs, wayward balls, kids on bikes and less then considerate other runner. Phew it’s a minefield but better then the alternative..... nor running!
Maybe you are blessed with green spaces and parks with trails to run in. Lucky you. If you are, there's a good chance that the paths are not wide enough to maintain the prescribed 2m safe distance. And if you're in the park trails, there's a good chance that others have had the same idea. Maybe you shouldn't go into the park in the first place? Nonsense. Just remember The Forester.
When there's no space on the trail don't let that stop you in your tracks. Make your own. As soon as you're sure that the trail is blocked ahead, dive off into the trees. Yes it will slow you down, and you may get a bit scratched and tangled up in greenery, but hey you're still out and your bubble is intact. Just remember not to get carried away - make sure you know where you are and can get back to a trail at some point. Having to be rescued from your local park would defeat the purpose of protecting your bubble as well as being hugely embarassing. If in doubt take a map and a compass on you're next run!
The Triathlete
Hopefully the manoeuvres covered above will help you out in most situations. But there's still a chance, albeit a slim one, that none of these can be applied because solid ground is in short supply and the only escape route involves water. Well, that's where The Triathlete comes in. Route blocked? No problem - just dive into the water like you intended to all along! But only if you can swim. Not only is swimming necessary to stay alive, thrashing around would totally destroy the illusion that you are a triathlete in training.
So there you go, you're now equipped to cope with anything that might come your way. So what are you waiting for? Get out there and get running. Just remember to keep a weather eye out for other potential bubble breakers; uncontrolled dogs, wayward balls, kids on bikes and less then considerate other runner. Phew it’s a minefield but better then the alternative..... nor running!
Happy bubble running!
Above: Veg - post bubble wash!
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