Monday, 6 December 2021

Don’t Be A Dick

As far as life rules go, “Don’t Be a Dick” must rank up there with the best. Even if your personal code is more towards guidelines than rules it still takes some beating. 

After all, I wouldn’t want to get to the end of my life and suddenly find myself barred from entry to the afterlife on the account of my high dick-ness rating. If you catch my drift. It’s just not worth the risk. That said, on the evidence of recent events, there’ll be a few more stopped from passing through the pearly gates. 

Last Friday, after 103 days of lockdown, Auckland stepped into the light. Or to be more accurate the traffic light. (See what I did there! Genius). Anyway, Auckland is now operating under the red setting of the newly introduced traffic light system. It might be the harshest setting of the three but at least it does mean that things can get back to normal. Or as close to normal in the pandemic world. Before I move on I must raise an objection to the traffic light system. Yes I must. I’m not going to hold back. The last time I checked, and I feel that I am somewhat of a expert on this matter, the middle colour in a traffic light system was amber. Not orange. It’s pretty universal. Red. Amber. Green. RAG. I’d go as far to say that it’s never been orange. Quite why the government has chosen to call the middle setting in the new system orange is beyond me. It’s sheer lunacy. Like the time Walkers meddled with their packaging for crisps and swapped the colour for salt & vinegar with that for cheese & onion. I’m just getting over it and even now at the thought of it I have to go and have a lie down.

I’ve digressed. So we’re back to normal. Well it as normal as normal can be for those who are double vaccinated. With introduction of the traffic light system also came the use of vaccine passports. And what a controversial issue they are proving to be, at least they seem to be if you see the amount of column inches they’re getting. Places that were inaccessible to all are now open to holders of vaccine passports, albeit with some restrictions on numbers. Without a vaccine passport? No dice. 

As far as I can tell, and this is purely based on my ‘limited’ personal experience of going to the pub, it all seems to be working well. But that doesn’t sell papers. So a vocal minority are complaining loudly about human rights, discrimination a two-tier New Zealand and comparing the PM to Hitler. Bearing in mind that nearly 90% of the eligible population are now fully vaccinated it really is a minority. Say what you like about the Nazis, but they weren’t really known for causing mild inconvenience. 

To make sure we didn’t miss out on Friday when the pub re-opened we booked ahead and we’re greeted with this rather warm welcome. 



It was good to be back. And judging by the crowd, we were all glad to be out, enjoying the afternoon sunshine and having a cool beer or two. Don’t think much work got done in Auckland last Friday. Obviously I feel the need, purely in the interests of research you understand, to increase my experience of the new system by visiting the local hostelry as frequently as possible.

I think the traffic light system is going to be with us for a little while yet. But for most it’s working well. Just enjoy the freedom of being out, enjoy the start of summer and being able to socialise gain. Oh, and of course Don’t Be A Dick!




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