It's a sunny spring evening and we decide, rather than rush home with the rest of the commuters, we head to the cinema. After all it's only around the corner from where we both work so it would almost be rude not to. After a short debate over what time we should leave work we meet in the lobby of our building at 5:45pm.
After a five minute stroll we arrive at the cinema and purchase tickets for 'Pride'. It's the new British comedy on the block set in the mid-eighties and tells the true story of how a gay activist group from London help a struggling mining community in South Wales through the darkest part of the Margaret Thatcher's attack on working class communities.
So after selecting our seats on a touch screen we were presented with a choice of wine with which to enjoy the film. And by choice I don't mean red or white. I mean there is a selection of six or so. Of each colour. Do we want cheese and bread nibbles to go with that? You betcha!
So ticket, wine (in a real glass not an all-too-easy to crush plastic affair) in hand we make our way into the auditorium where we are greeted and shown to our seats. Comfortable seats with plenty of leg room. Not, of course, that is an issue for me. But I know some who would appreciate an extra couple of foot or two.
The film begins, we sip our wine, nibble on bread and for the next 90 minutes are entertained by this heartfelt comedy. This is undoubtedly helped by the fact that there are no mobile phones going off, people chatting to themselves or chucking things at their mates.
The film finishes, the audience picks up their litter and empty glasses and files orderly towards the exit.
Replenished, both spiritually and physically, we stroll home as the skies turn from dark blue to starry black. A very pleasant way to spend an evening.
So what's wrong with this scene? Tricky huh? Well I will give you a hand and list some potential answers;
1) Me leaving work at 6pm? You must be joking.
2) A good British comedy? Pull the other one.
3) A comedy about the miners' strike? Don't think so.
4) What's that? Picking your seats on a screen rather than being jammed at the back between two overly-amorous teenagers? Yeah right!
5) Wine? In a cinema? Doesn't sound right to me. What's wrong with 2 litres of rola-cola?
6) And whilst we're on, bread nibbles? Real cheese? You can keep yer poncy snacks - I'll be happy with warmed up nachos and plastic cheese and be glad about it.
7) Comfortable seats with leg room? Don't think so. Cram them in, treat them like cattle and push them out the door as quick as you can. That's the only way to run a modern cinema.
8) Cinemas are the new pub. They'd be no point in going if you couldn't have the crack with your mates. If you want silence go to the library. And if your quite finished, it's not a good night if you don't go home with popcorn in your hair and tomato sauce on your arse.
Hhhmmmm. Choices, choices. Well actually it's none of those. The real answer is how could a card carry socialist sit happily and drink a nice Pinot Noir from Central Otago whilst scenes of desperation are bring played out on the screen? I felt like a class traitor throughout the whole thing and my conscience hasn't let me forget it. It's just wasn't right. Not at all ....but it was a very nice glass of red. And as for the cheese? Divine.
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