Java Script

There's a new coffee shop that's opened up round the corner from us. It's caused quite a stir. Apart from the limp name 'biskit, there's nothing not to like. All of the now standard coffee shop paraphernalia are present and correct; morning papers, witty slogans on the walls, nice artwork, exposed brick walls and of course a huge coffee making machine.

All of this was revealed tantalisingly slowly over a few months - passers by and excited potential customers were able to glimpse snap shots through cracks in the brown paper that had been taped to the windows to create privacy for the fit out. 

Strangely, with the passing weeks, gaps appeared in different places offering different views and became , over time, increasingly larger. Either the owners were deliberately creating these to generate a buzz or they had very poor Sellotape.

Whatever the reason it worked. We passed to new addition to our high street on its first morning and it was rammed. Standing room only. Or thereabouts. The rich smell of coffee and bread products wafted out of the door into our early morning noses. It smelled good. Real good.

And people seemed to be enjoying it. Mugs of foaming coffee, cakes, bagels and muffins were being consumed. Papers we're being poured over and pre-work conversations flowed. Much like the coffee. The owners of 'biskit clearly had a hit on their hands.

And not a moment too soon. We were getting desperate - we were down to our last fifteen coffee shops. Nowhere near enough. So phew!

But it got me thinking. 'Oh dear, not again!', I hear you cry. But it did. 

So, assuming that fifty coffee drinkers hadn't just arrived in town for a coffee appreciation convention, where did these people come from? 

So unless these people all awoke this particular morning and thought "You know what! Hang my normal routine! I don't normally stop off on the way to work for a coffee because I'm perfectly capable of making one for myself, but today I feel different. Adventurous even. I'll just take a walk along the high street...... oh, yes there's that new coffee place opening. I'll go there!". 

So unless they all did that, in which case call Doctor Who now because there's clearly aliens at work, presumably another coffee shop was half empty - its owners scratching their heads wondering where their customers have got to. Was it something we said? Did our bacon and banana muffins not look inviting this morning? Have they all slept in? 

But all the coffee shops we passed looked as full as they ever had been. If not more so. So what gives? It's a mystery.

It's also a mystery just how much coffee Aucklanders can drink. Lots. And then some. Really it's a surprise that anyone ever goes to sleep in this town.  Just like New York but with friendlier inhabitants. I assume, by extrapolations not empirical evidence, that the rest of New Zealand is similarly caffeine infused. It's going to be one hell of a come down when it runs out.

And when it does I'll be fine. I'll be sat sipping my tea and nibbling on a scone wondering what all the fuss was about. An Englishman in New Zealand.