No Flies on Me

What is it about my nasal cavity that Australian flies find so interesting? It's not as if my Australian counterparts don't have such orifices. They do. Two each at the last count. So why me?

Maybe it's the uncharted nature; somewhere new to explore, discover and brag about with their mates down the dunny.

Or it could be just to simply wind up the visiting Pom. Us Brits know how much our Australian cousins like to Pom-bash (and mostly we totally deserve it) so maybe this most Oz of pastimes has rubbed off on their insect population.

Either way it's starting to get on my tits, if you pardon my language for a moment. I'm not taken to swearing but it is a clear indicator of the level of annoyance that I'm currently experiencing. No manner of arm waving, directional blowing or sneezing seems to deter them. As soon as they are out of harm's reach, they dive straight back in with the enthusiasm of an adolescent's finger determined to have a good root around.

I swear that when I sneezed this morning a dead fly came shooting out like a .22 calibre round from a rifle, nearly blowing a hole in the side of the tent. Lucky my travelling companion wasn't in the tent at the time. There's nothing like being hit in the side of the face with decomposing insect to really test a relationship. Well I imagine so anyway.

Some flies aren't picky, any old cavity will do. As long as there something to explore they're right in there. 

I am getting tired of waving my arms around and no matter how frantic my waving, I just can't cover all of the bases. If it wasn't for the fact that the rest of the tour group are similarly afflicted, you could mistake me for a particularity uncoordinated exotic dancer or more likely someone having a seizure. 

We recently called into a service station and there was a solution staring me right in the face. But try as I might, I just couldn't bring myself to but a hat with corks around the rim. Not only is it a cliche, but it's one step too close to wearing stubbies and from there there is no going back. But the flies are particularly irritating......

Nope, just couldn't do it but there was an alt....sorry a Kangaroo had just hopped in front of the bus.....

Where was I? Oh, yes an alternative. A head net. Yes it scores really high on the dork factor, although arguably much lower than a hat with corks, and the chances of descending into Stubbyville are reduced. I'll give it some thought over the next 300km or so.....

Well I'm now the proud owner (and a very relieved wearer) of a mighty fine piece of protective headgear. 

I'm pleased to report that, so far at least, it's proven to be very effective, despite it giving me the look of a deranged bride at a wedding - a wedding where the groom wasn't particularly fussy obviously. I think the camouflage pattern on the top is a little extravagant and doesn't seem to prevent the flies from finding me, but at least now they can't get to me. Not that it stops them trying though. 

I think this could be the feature of the next few days as we head further and further into the centre of Australia and I'm already calling this as a total success and $8 well spent. Now if I could only figure out how I'm going to drink my beer tonight......