I think Hollywood missed a trick. I really do. Why? Let me explain. Several years ago, more years than I care to remember, a film was released called 'Snakes on a Plane'. As is typical of Hollywood, I was expecting there to be a slew of similar titled sequels. But they never arrived. Not even one. Maybe it was something to do with the film being very poor, not that I have seen it you understand - I have a policy that I don't watch films where the movie's title gives away the entire plot. I mean what's the point. I don't need to sacrifice two hours in a darkened and stale popcorn smelling room to know that the film involves snakes. Or to be more precise, snakes on a plane. Equally I've never seen 'The Great Escape', 'Mr Smith Goes to Washington' or 'The Never Ending Story'. Actually I have avoided that last one because I've got better things to do with my life. Lucky escape.
Putting my titular prejudices aside for the time being, if the film had been better then we surely would have been treated to equally magical sequels; 'Crocodiles on a Plane', 'Spiders on a Plane' or the spine chilling final instalment, the pinnacle of airborne terror films 'Baby on a Plane'. You see I got there in the end. At one point I was in danger of losing my way but have faith.....
Admittedly, as soon as I saw the critter, I donned my headphones and looked at the in flight menu for some audible distraction - some soothing music to block out the inevitable squawks and help me drift off. 'Hits of Rock' wasn't going to cut it, neither was 'Metal Anthems'. Aha the Jazz menu looks like a good starting point.
Before you rush off and get the wrong idea, I'm not really much of a jazz aficionado. Not really. You see I never really bothered with it. Too. ...well.... erm.... noodly. If you catch my drift. Actually I tell a lie, I do have one Jazz CD. Miles Davis' seminal classic 'Kind of Blue'. But then who doesn't?
Anyway in this instance I decided that a John Coltrane's Quartet album was ideal. I had heard of him so he must be worth falling asleep to. And so the music started and after three or four tracks I was starting to enjoy it; the syncopated rhythms, the delicate interplay between the double bass and trumpet and the sheer smoothness. Smooth. Smooth. Smooth.....
It had just the right effect and I soon fell into a cosy slumber....
I awoke over an hour later refreshed and somewhat surprised that JC's Quartet were still playing. You certainly get value for money with this bunch! What troopers! I glanced at the screen in front of me to see how many more tracks were left to enjoy. Oops. In my haste to play the music I'd inadvertently only selected the first track. And it was looping. Endlessly.
I'd been listening to the first track over and over again for an hour and-a-bloody half and hadn't noticed. See I told you I wasn't an aficionado.
You see that's the problem with Jazz, it's so bloody relaxing that you can't distinguish between songs. And it doesn't matter. Well not to me in any rate.
I glanced over at the baby. Sound asleep. Hhmmmm, maybe I need to reassess my future aeroplane based thrillers. Maybe 'Baby on a Plane' is not as horrific as I'd imagined. No there is something far, far worse. 'Idiot on a Plane' anyone? Maybe so.
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