A Nasty Case of WPS

It is not very well known outside New Zealand, but there is a terrible and, in some cases fatal, disease that strikes the unwary traveller. It attacks at random, without warning and can be very expensive to cure. WPS, or to give it it's full title ’Whinging Pom Syndrome’, can be triggered off by the slightest of things.

Quite often the triggers are innocuous; a half glimpsed snippet of something on TV, a passing remark or even the weather. More often, however, the root cause is something that is connected to the deepest part of the psyche. Food. Or to be more precise, the lack of a certain foodstuff. The early signs are difficult to spot and can easily be mistaken for a 'bit of a grumble'. 

“These tea bags are just not as good as the those we get at home”, is all too familiar phrase from a WPS sufferer in the early stages of the disease.

“You just can't get the things we get at home. You know the bits and bobs that make a difference - make you feel at home ”, sympathises another as WPS takes hold.

“Marmite. I just can't get find it anywhere. Sure there are some New Zealand kind of yeast extract products. But it's not Marmite. You know what I mean”.

And so it goes on. And on. And on. And on. If left untreated the condition can worsen and lead to a much more severe and debilitating disease Ping-Pong-Pom or PPP. 

Usually a good slap around the head is sufficient to momentarily reduce the symptoms in a WPS suffer but if left untreated and allowed to worsen PPP can take hold. In these cases the sufferer will return to the UK for treatment. For example a nice cup of tea and a biscuit has been know to successfully treat WPS sufferers whereas others have responded well to Sunday lunch and a pint in a pub.

Usually, after several months of treatment, the individual regains their strength and returns to New Zealand, ready to resume their ’new life’. Unfortunately, in some cases, the treatment is not as successful as first thought and WPS returns more rampant than ever before. Once again the sufferer is forced to return to the UK for treatment and so the cycle continues. Once the disease gets to this stage PPP is very hard to cure as the sufferer succumbs wholly and totally.

Fortunately there is one treatment that will completely cure PPP and that is the immediate and permanent removal of the sufferer’s passport. It is a drastic step but I most cases the individual goes on to make a full recovery and live a full and healthy life.

Although much research has been undertaken into debilitating disease, those in the medical profession are dumbfounded as to how the disease chooses it's victims or, perhaps more tellingly, why they are more susceptible to its advances. 

A few days after arriving in NZ I did myself notice some symptoms of early stages of WPS but these have quickly been eradicated - self administration of a nice glass of Sauvignon Blanc did the trick. To make sure, however, that WPS is kept at bay I have prescribed myself a course of the treatment. Yes it doesn't come cheap but if WPS is to be taken seriously then it is the only option.