Forget the trivialities of the US election, it's election time here in Auckland and election Fever is gripping this one-time capital of New Zealand. And being keen on the democratic process we can't wait to get involved.....
Or at least we would if we were allowed to vote. You see the powers-that-be exclude us immigrants from the democratic process. And who can blame them? Who would want dirty and ill-informed outsiders from voting in a New Zealand election? Especially when they don't, after all, contribute anything to the economy. What do they know about life in New Zealand. No, it's much better to leave important decisions to those that know best. Yes, I may have an opinion and the outcome of the election may effect me but I can just keep it to myself thank you very much. It's probably as well - the last thing this government needs is any help from a lefty-outsider. And they say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
Anyway, with no means to influence the outcome it is quite fascinating to see how another city manages the democratic process.
I must say that it's a little confusing. Firstly, there is the sheer number of different parties. National, First, Labour, Upside Down Party. Actually I made that last one up, but with so many parties, all with different values, aims and aspirations it is hard to know who I would pick, if I could vote that is. At the last count there were a total of 19 candidates. Yes, 19! You should see the ballot paper.
When travelling around the city, it doesn't take long to bump into the election posters. They're everywhere. Every spare bit of land is filled with huge wooden structures with posters of beaming individuals promising the earth. Why have just one election poster when you can have nineteen? If one party has a poster then the rest will soon follow. Maybe it's an election rule. I could look it up I suppose but as I'm not allowed to vote, what's the point.
If it is a rule then it is actually quite a good idea - seeing them all together, in a political line-up, saves me the bother of having to read any of their election pamphlets and I can make a snap judgement based upon whether they look like sane individuals or someone you wouldn't trust to look after themselves, let alone the budget of an metropolitan city.
"A vote for me is a vote for common sense," screams one election poster. And what a tempting prospect that would be. I'm all for a bit of common sense as long as it is used in sensible situations. It wouldn't do to waste a good dollop of common sense in an impractical situation.
"Vote for me and I'll build a train line to the airport," boasts another. Well I must say that he doesn't look like he has it in him. Quite a claim for a man in his fifties. Mind you, he doesn't say how long it is going to take him and whether he'll have any mates to help him. I can just imagine the conversation, post election win, in the pub when he breaks the news...
"Well done Bob on that election win"
"Thanks Terry, it was a close call but that promise to build the rail line to the airport swung it"
"I know, I can't believe that people fell for that," Terry added.
"Err, what are you doing on Saturday?"
"Not much, why?"
"Well I'm going to borrow a couple of shovels so I thought we'd make a start"
"Start what Bob?"
"Errr....can I get you a pint...."
The run-in to this election has been quite entertaining. One of the candidates is rumoured to win by a significant majority and this has upset one of the rank outsiders. Well I say rank outsider but what I should say is deluded outsider. This particular individual has been consistently polling at a predicted 4% of the vote share. It's good to see that it has not dampened his spirits - he simply refuses to believe they are accurate, just as much as he refuses to believe that not having any actual policies is a contributing factor. Actually he does have one election strategy, and that is to accuse the favourite of being rubbish.
Take this transcript for his latest interview when asked about his poor poll ratings;
Genius.
And so it goes on. With so many candidates, there are hundreds of permutations. Vote for change, strong leadership, fresh ideas, real results, more of this, less of that, more of the same, more spending, less spending, faster, slower. It's enough to make your head spin. It seems to me is that the candidates should just make their minds up - have a meeting, and agree what they stand for and then come and tell the electorate what they are going to do if given the keys to the big office. If that doesn't work then maybe we should set them a written test. Something relevant like how much is a pint of milk, what is the capital of Peru and what's the most cost effective way to increase the volume of traffic that can travel through the city whilst having enough budget to solve the housing crisis.
It certainly beats dragging everyone to the polling station to put a cross on large sheet of paper. Sounds like common sense to me!
Or at least we would if we were allowed to vote. You see the powers-that-be exclude us immigrants from the democratic process. And who can blame them? Who would want dirty and ill-informed outsiders from voting in a New Zealand election? Especially when they don't, after all, contribute anything to the economy. What do they know about life in New Zealand. No, it's much better to leave important decisions to those that know best. Yes, I may have an opinion and the outcome of the election may effect me but I can just keep it to myself thank you very much. It's probably as well - the last thing this government needs is any help from a lefty-outsider. And they say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
Anyway, with no means to influence the outcome it is quite fascinating to see how another city manages the democratic process.
I must say that it's a little confusing. Firstly, there is the sheer number of different parties. National, First, Labour, Upside Down Party. Actually I made that last one up, but with so many parties, all with different values, aims and aspirations it is hard to know who I would pick, if I could vote that is. At the last count there were a total of 19 candidates. Yes, 19! You should see the ballot paper.
When travelling around the city, it doesn't take long to bump into the election posters. They're everywhere. Every spare bit of land is filled with huge wooden structures with posters of beaming individuals promising the earth. Why have just one election poster when you can have nineteen? If one party has a poster then the rest will soon follow. Maybe it's an election rule. I could look it up I suppose but as I'm not allowed to vote, what's the point.
If it is a rule then it is actually quite a good idea - seeing them all together, in a political line-up, saves me the bother of having to read any of their election pamphlets and I can make a snap judgement based upon whether they look like sane individuals or someone you wouldn't trust to look after themselves, let alone the budget of an metropolitan city.
"A vote for me is a vote for common sense," screams one election poster. And what a tempting prospect that would be. I'm all for a bit of common sense as long as it is used in sensible situations. It wouldn't do to waste a good dollop of common sense in an impractical situation.
"Vote for me and I'll build a train line to the airport," boasts another. Well I must say that he doesn't look like he has it in him. Quite a claim for a man in his fifties. Mind you, he doesn't say how long it is going to take him and whether he'll have any mates to help him. I can just imagine the conversation, post election win, in the pub when he breaks the news...
"Well done Bob on that election win"
"Thanks Terry, it was a close call but that promise to build the rail line to the airport swung it"
"I know, I can't believe that people fell for that," Terry added.
"Err, what are you doing on Saturday?"
"Not much, why?"
"Well I'm going to borrow a couple of shovels so I thought we'd make a start"
"Start what Bob?"
"Errr....can I get you a pint...."
The run-in to this election has been quite entertaining. One of the candidates is rumoured to win by a significant majority and this has upset one of the rank outsiders. Well I say rank outsider but what I should say is deluded outsider. This particular individual has been consistently polling at a predicted 4% of the vote share. It's good to see that it has not dampened his spirits - he simply refuses to believe they are accurate, just as much as he refuses to believe that not having any actual policies is a contributing factor. Actually he does have one election strategy, and that is to accuse the favourite of being rubbish.
Take this transcript for his latest interview when asked about his poor poll ratings;
"The reason people have approached me is because they, like me, share the idea that Tom* hasn't got the answers to fix Auckland's problems, so I think the most responsible thing for me to do is rather than pull out is frankly to double my efforts to make people aware that a Tom* mayoralty seems inevitable and that's not going to fix the problem."
Genius.
And so it goes on. With so many candidates, there are hundreds of permutations. Vote for change, strong leadership, fresh ideas, real results, more of this, less of that, more of the same, more spending, less spending, faster, slower. It's enough to make your head spin. It seems to me is that the candidates should just make their minds up - have a meeting, and agree what they stand for and then come and tell the electorate what they are going to do if given the keys to the big office. If that doesn't work then maybe we should set them a written test. Something relevant like how much is a pint of milk, what is the capital of Peru and what's the most cost effective way to increase the volume of traffic that can travel through the city whilst having enough budget to solve the housing crisis.
It certainly beats dragging everyone to the polling station to put a cross on large sheet of paper. Sounds like common sense to me!
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| "Rapid Rent-a-fence" seem to have the clearest policies |
* Names changed to protect the guilty
