And that was probably a good thing, at least if the first few days were anything to go by. It wasn’t the size of the vehicle that was an issue - it did take some getting used to, especially around the streets of Auckland, but we soon got into the swing of things. Nope, it was just everything else.
Firstly there was the space, or rather the lack of it. We thought we had packed up the van cleverly with things we needed within easy reach. Shoes were tucked away at the bottom of the storage bunks, along with jackets, jumpers and other non-essential items. Similarly, food was packed into the top cupboards where we could get to it without having to rummage around.
It didn’t work. To avoid getting too relaxed, we spent the first few days playing a game we invented called Hunt for the Item. This was a hugely engaging game. The rules are simple, it starts by someone saying something like “Have you seen my trainers?” and then the hunt begins for the aforementioned item. After several minutes looking in various cupboards and cubbyholes, the contents of the van are removed onto the grass outside and the hunt continues amongst the debris. Eventually the item is found and the winner declared. The winner gets to feel smug for at least ten minutes whilst the loser gets to repack the equipment and clothing, preferably in a more orderly manner. You would think that this gave them an advantage for the next round but this is not how this game works. Inevitably, the next item is not where you thought it was, and so the whole process is repeated.
Another sport I learned to play in the early days was Things to Bang My Head On. You would think, being at the shorter end of the human spectrum, that this was going to be a challenging game. Not a bit of it. Thankfully the designers of the campervan had thought ahead and put plenty of things just at head height; cupboards, shelves, hooks and the like. Then, just as I was running out of Things to Bang My Head On, I discovered a while new seam of things lower down - handily placed to catch you unawares when you’re rummaging around the lower areas. I became particularly skilled at colliding with the underside of the table. The table was a tricky adversary in light of its unwillingness to move and to be exactly where it was the last time you banged your head on it.
It didn’t stop inside the van either. I became an expert at this sport and found a multitude of things outside the van to demonstrate my skills. The bike rack (unused) attached to the back doors being one such item. Being able to close the door into your own head requires skill and dedication to the game. I think I peaked when I managed to lacerate the side of my head by allowing the metal flap of the campsite power socket to fall and strike me. Pure genius that will be on display for a few weeks as the scar takes time to heal.
If you saw us changing the van from day to night mode, and back again, in the first few days you would think that we were making it complicated on purpose. After all, all we had to do was place two pieces of wood to create the bed, rearrange the cushions to form the mattress and then put the bedding on top. Easy? You would think so but we spent a lot of time playing out favourite game Hunt for the Item. Where was the other pillow? Have you seen my pyjamas? We did, at least, have time to invent a new game called Bumping into Each Other.
If a decision is ever made to resurrect the Carry On series and start with the antics of a couple in a campervan then they need to look no further - they’ve found their stars.
But that was then. Now after three days in, we’re experts. To see us in motion in the confined space is a sight to behold. Now getting ready each day we’re like a well drilled military unit. Everything in its right place and stowed away, space maximised and nothing is missing. At least we don’t think so. Honestly, it’s like a ballet watching us prepare breakfast and get ready to hit the road - more like the Morecambe and Wise sketch than Carry On Campervanning.
With each passing day we get a little better, more organised and less inclined to bang body parts on hard objects. Not that it will stop me looking of course!
