A Strange Do Alright

What a strange carry on. Most peculiar. As I type these words, I am sat on a sofa in a hotel room not far from the centre of downtown Auckland. In fact not that far from a perfectly nice home that we own. It’s no exaggeration to say that I could put on my running shoes and be home (more on that term in a minute) in less than ten minutes. And no, I’m not a fast runner!

Well how did I get here?

It’s been a odd few months. Firstly up was leaving a perfectly pleasant and well paying job and not having another one to go into. Elected unemployment you could say, or as I like to call it, temporary retirement. 

Hot on the heels of temporary retirement came the uplift. Which is a rather grand way of saying the contents of our home - there’s that word again - were packed up and shipped out. According to the tracking data, they are currently stacked in a pile at Singapore docks waiting to be collected and transported on the next leg of the journey northwards.

The dust hadn’t even settled when ten days of intense decorating commenced. Boy that was hard work. More tiring than working for a living for sure. Normally I don’t mind a bit of DIY because the end results are worth it, but in this case it all seemed a little pointless - it was for the benefit of the potential buyer and not us. But room by room, and in the heat of an Auckland summer, the work got done.

With our furniture gone and the house looking spick and span, we now needed to rent some more furniture to help stage the house and thus encourage a sale. So more furniture and fittings were brought in by a firm offering such services and the house was ready to be shown to the hopefully interested public. 

So surrounded by chairs we couldn’t sit on, a sofa we couldn’t lounge on and beds we couldn’t lie on it took on a surreal aspect. It was our house, but it didn’t feel like our home. Not really. Even the books that had been brought in to decorate the shelving that had been erected just wasn’t us. With titles like “An introduction to calculus” and “Wood fired gourmet pizza recipes” it made us sound like pretentious twits. Hey, I heard that!

So what exactly is home. Hopefully not where one’s possessions are - it would be hard to call a container in Singapore docks home. Equally it can’t be just bricks and mortar. We do have a shelter over our heads but it doesn’t feel like home, not in the way it used to. Surely then if it’s none of those things, if it’s not a physical manifestation then it must be less tangible. But something that creates a strong emotional response yet can’t be packed up or sold. People, places and memories perhaps. 

Whatever home is, I’m really looking forward to being in one again. Sure, camping in our own place has been kinda fun but the novelty is starting to wear off. Nah, scratch that it has worn off. Sleeping on camp beds and sitting on camping chairs has been okay but it’s not comforting, it’s tiring. 

As is tiptoeing around our own house for fear of making too much of a mess - we’d only have to tidy it up again, probably at short notice if a viewing had been arranged. Camping equipment aside, we’ve got one bowl, plate and knife and fork each. A single frying pan, one pan and a spatula makes up our entire cooking equipment. Yes, I know we could go and buy some more but what a waste. Besides, I’d much rather whinge about it. You know I would.

It has been really tempting on several occasions to say stuff it and just dive headfirst onto one of the beds. We’ve been avoiding using the beds, and the rest of the furniture for that matter, because it wasn’t ours and we didn’t want to spoil the staged look. It was only recently, when I was trying to hide some dirty laundry under one of the beds, that I realised that they were actually just inflatable mattresses resting precariously on plastic storage tubs, all carefully disguised under bed linen.

I’d like to think that I would’ve seen the funny side of it, having dived onto the fake bed and then suddenly disappeared into the inflatable mattress as it sunk between the crates. I’d like to think that, but in my current state of mind I have my doubts.

And so we booked ourselves into a nice hotel

In downtown Auckland for the Easter weekend. A little bit of luxury away from the house that used to be our home.

Regional Perks

We were once told, just hours before we flew out to New Zealand for the start of our adventure, that Auckland was a dour place. Not worthy of a visit. The irony that this unsolicited opinion was given under leaden grey skies and just before the heavens had opened and hammering rain commenced was not lost on us. We’d been to Auckland before and were confident, well reasonably confident, that we hadn’t made a mistake. Had we?

Fast forward ten years and I can say without one shred of doubt that Auckland is not dour. In fact, in my honest opinion, it’s one of the greenest (and bluest)  cities I’ve had the pleasure to visit. Find an elevated view across the city and the first thing that strikes you is just how many areas appear to be unbuilt upon. Admittedly a lot of those are extinct volcanoes but hey, green is green. And then there is the gulf, it's shimmering blue adds the most wonderful frame to the greenery of the city.

Perhaps the jewel in the shining crown of Tamaki Makaurau is the abundance of the regional parks. Auckland's regional parks offer diverse landscapes, from rugged coastlines to lush forests, and provide numerous recreational activities such as hiking, picnicking, and birdwatching. With over 26 parks covering approximately 45,000 hectares, they offer a natural escape within the city limits, making Auckland unique in having such extensive parkland so accessible to its residents and visitors alike. Dour? I think not.

We had planned to visit all of the parks in our time here but it didn’t work out like that. We started well, spending free weekends at a new location, but then we settled in and life here became….well…..normal. Slowly as the months passed we just stopped visiting. 

Which is shame because when we do visit we are reminded just how wonderful they are. This weekend, for example, we detoured to Shakespeare Regional Park located at the end of the Whangaparoa peninsula - which is about as hard to get to as it is to pronounce! This wasn’t our first visit here, but my goodness what a wonderful place. Being off peak and mid-week we virtually had the place to ourselves.

We parked up, bring mindful not to disturb the Pūkeko, set off on one of the many walking tracks. Although quite short at only 5km, the chosen track would take us to a view point on the peninsula which allowed a stunning panoramic view out across the gulf. There is something really comforting about heading off into the 'countryside' knowing that you are not wandering that far from the car whilst being within the boundary of the city. Oh and having well made and marked footpaths to follow of course!

The panoramic view from the lookout is definitely worth the short walk

From there is was all downhill…not quite…but mostly. For such a short walk the views are spectacular and the scenery changes from bush to farmland to coastal forest and finally beach. 

Looking out towards the gulf with Rangitoto in the distance. 

The last 500m is along the beach. 

Perhaps the most surprising thing is not that this is all free, but it takes place within the Auckand city boundary. All you have to do to experience this is to remember to visit - and in our case follow the red marker posts. 

We’ve got a few weeks left here, so maybe we can get  a few more ticked off. Perhaps Atū Creek on the shores of Kaipara Harbour. It is Auckland’s third-largest regional park at 843 hectares. Its size means there is ample farmland, native forest, wetlands and beaches to explore on foot, bike or horseback. Maybe not the latter. 

Or Tawhitokino? Tawhitokino is regarded by some as the most beautiful beach in Auckland but is only accessible at low tide. This means a trip to this small coastal park – at the end of Kawakawa Bay Coast Road – needs careful planning. Surely we can manage that?

Whichever Regional Park we decide to visit with our increasingly limited remaining time, I can guarantee that it won’t be dour. Dour? Auckland? Definitely not.

It All Adds Up

One of the (many) things I will miss about New Zealand is its adverts. That may sound like an odd statement but New Zealand’s advertising is in a class of its own. 

Of course there are those ads that believe that shouting at the viewer will somehow make the message hit home, as if the words were physical and can be hammered into your subconscious. You know the type, “BOB’s BEDS ARE THE BEST BEDS IN THE CITY SO COME ON DOWN AND GET A BARGAIN TODAY!” or “WE LOVE CARPETS AT CARPET WORLD. DON’T JUST TAKE OUR WORD FOR IT - COME AND SEE OUR CRAAZZYY PRICES.” or my favourite “WANT THE BEST BULL SEMEN? WELL YOU KNOW WHERE TO COME….” 

Okay so that last one might be a slight exaggeration, but I do remember seeing an add for bull sperm on our first visit to New Zealand - during a prime time rugby match no less - and thinking this was a country that I just had to investigate further.

ANY WAY WITHOUT FURTHER….sorry. Anyway without further ado, here are my favourite adverts from the wonderful but at times strange country. (And I hope these links work for you  otherwise this is going to be a somewhat pointless blog)

Mitre10 Kids

Rather than save the best until last, I’ll dive right in with the best. Why is it the best? Well kids are just funny, this delves into the kiwi psyche regarding DIY and it gently pokes fun at the Aussies. In a little brother / big brother kind of way.

“She’s pretty big job”

“Nah, we’ll knock it off in half a day”

 Watch and enjoy…

Trumpet Togs or Undies

Honestly, this one could be a public information film. I’ve been to loads of beachside towns and have often wondered whether some individuals enjoy walking around half-naked. Yes I know it’s warm but really…… Anyway this advert is a sharp piece of satirical writing and is helping sell ice cream. What could be better?

Waka Kotahi NZTA Road Toll

Not all New Zealand adverts are comical but boy can they be hard hitting. This one, from the national highway agency strikes right in the solar plexus. If this is what it takes to get our horrendous accident statistics to improve then so be it. 

Mr Frosty and the BMX Kid

With the 100% Pure New Nealand, the ad department really knocked it out of the park. And this example is probably the best. Not an advert for an ice cream with sprinkles, but an invitation to come and take a look at this unique part of the world. Aotearoa beckons….eat some ice creams, do some bombs. What’s stoppin’ ya?

Pineapple Lumps

New Zealand isn’t all ice cream and scenery. Nope, not at all. It’s also confectionery and there’s no sweet that screams NEW ZEALAND more than the humble Pineapple Lump. Don’t worry, there’s no fruit in this lolly but there is a squishy pineapple centre covered in chocolate. And like the previous add, they’re 100% Pure New Zealand.

And here’s another one riffing on the fact that they’re a true kiwi icon and gently poking fun at the British the same time. Sweet!

The Hellers Butcher Guy

Meat. New Zealand does great meat. Although this wasn’t the specific advert I was looking for, it does give a flavour of the meat based advertising we get here. The synopsis is, and do try and keep up, Man comes back home, wants to feed his family so naturally only meat will do. In fact, only Hellers brand of packaged meat products will do.  

In this advert the Hellers Butchers Guy has a problem or a snag (which is also slang for sausages) as he needs to feed his family at short notice, so naturally starts raving about Hellers Deli meats. Except I heard Jelly Meats and didn’t like the sound of those so for months was put off the idea of Hellers products. Which is probably a good thing because they are mass produced and there are many better alternatives. On the plus side though, it means we get regular adverts for meat on telly. Sandwiched, as it were, between two other kiwi staples, powerful 4x4s and beer.

Air New Zealand Safety Video

Although not strictly an advert, a honourable mention has to go to the Air New Zealand safety videos. You know, those often dull information videos that play as flights prepare to take off. Well they’re not dull here, and this one is based on Lord of the Rings. Did you know the movies were filmed in New Zealand? No? Well that’s not surprising I guess as we hardly ever mention it…..